Poison & Wine
by LonelyAngel88
Summary: What if, instead of following Edward's lead, Jasper and Emmett decide to stay behind and look after Bella because it's the right thing to do? They all think Victoria will be out for revenge, but what happens when she disappears and something far more dangerous crops up? Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

_**Poison and Wine - Slight AU with some OOC (it's been a while since I've read the saga.) **_

_What Lies We Tell_

_Chapter 1_

_Jasper PoV_

An all-consuming rage was burning through my veins as I swam through a vision of red. How _dare_ he tell us that we were leaving.

"Bella doesn't want us here anymore," He explained quietly, brokenly. "She wants a clean break. Jasper made her realize how vulnerable she really is around us," Edward finished, a look of remorse marring his face, as he turned to me.

_Lies! _I could feel it, taste it.

His eyes widened slightly, "It's the truth, Jasper." He said with conviction, like I was stupid for questioning him, his arms crossing over his chest petulantly. Esme was silently sobbing against Carlisle. Emmett was shaking his head, muttering 'no' over and over again. Rosalie looked mostly unaffected and Alice was ringing her hands together, pacing.

I snarled, my harsh and commanding accent clipping into my words, "Do I need to remind you that I _am_ an empath? That I know when you're lying to me?"

Edward's eyes hardened and he growled, "Do I need to remind you that you attempted to kill her on her birthday, Jasper?"

I laughed bitterly, "Oh yes. Blame me."

"I do. I always knew you were the weak link in this family."

I had him pinned against the wall in seconds, his arm twisted around his back, his muscles taut and snapping against the pressure, "I am _not_ weak. I may not have been born into your precious, wholesome family, but I know for a fucking fact that I have more control than you.

"How many humans have you turned?" I snarled into his ear, "How many!?"

"None! What does that have to do with anything?" He spat back as he struggled against me, wincing.

I laughed darkly, "Everything. I've turned hundreds. I've never drained anyone that was to be turned. I've never slipped. I _am_ controlled."

I loosened my grip on Edward after Carlisle coughed. I looked at him sharply and stepped away from Edward. The look of temporary panic flitted across their features and I wondered if my face held the hard and haunted look it did when I was in Maria's army.

I softened my stance and pulsed out a calming wave to my family and asked them, "Y'all do realize that I could feel everyone's bloodlust?" I paused and looked back to Edward, "I could feel the bloodlust for your singer. Pair it with everyone's excitement and subsequent panic and anyone would lose it."

They slowly nodded as understanding sank in, but Edward's jaw was set and his eyes narrowed as he fumed by the wall.

"You still blame me?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

I smiled sadly and shook my head, "Fine."

"And we're still going to leave." He said forcefully.

Emmett growled and I snapped my attention to him catching his eyes, I gave him a significant look and he gave the barest of nods. We would talk later. Alone.

Rosalie's anger boiled over and she puffed up as she marched up to Edward, "You have no right uprooting us! You are not the head of this family!" She finished as she enunciated each word with a harsh poke to his chest.

He glared, "It's what Bella wants."

_Lies!_

I snarled at him again and Carlisle stepped in between Rosalie and Edward with placating hands, "Settle down. Edward, we will discuss this again. Civilly." He said with a hard stare as he turned to Esme and offered her his hand, "Esme and I will be hunting. When we return we will discuss this again."

Edward scowled but nodded in acquiesce before taking off out the door ahead of Carlisle and Esme. I turned to Alice, who had been awfully quiet about the prospect of leaving her best friend and in general. Her distress and sadness hit me in waves, her face crumpled as she ran into my embrace. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.

"What have you seen?"

She sighed, "Too much. It's time for us to go our separate ways, for one."

I dipped my head into a nod, "We knew that was coming Alice."

She smiled sadly, "Doesn't mean I ready for it."

I squeezed her, "I know. For two?"

"For two, the family is going to be temporarily divided."

My brows furrowed in confusion, "Divided?"

She nodded sadly. "That's all I can say for now, at least. Go talk to Emmett, he's been fidgeting by the door for the last ten minutes."

I looked over at my burly sibling and chuckled. He was bouncing on his heels as his eyes kept darting from me to the forest.

"Alright Emmett, let's go."

We took off in the opposite direction of Edward, Esme and Carlisle. I assumed he was making his case and was infusing his lies with his good, first son routine. Emmett and I stopped in a clearing and he took a moment to rearrange the woods with his fists, his frustration abating slightly.

His anger rolled off him in waves and he snarled as he gritted his teeth, "I am not leaving Bella alone. Not with nomads knowing she was associated with us."

A little shocked at his seriousness I answered, "I agree. "

He looked at me, "I know you and Bella aren't the closest, but it's nice to know you aren't going to abandon her."

"I didn't get a chance to know her because of Edward's request for me to make myself scarce in her presence. I scared her apparently." I answered and rolled my eyes.

Emmett's emotions did a one eighty and he laughed heartily, "You are pretty scary Jasper and you did try to eat her." He teased.

I glared at him but I couldn't help the twitch that rippled across my lips, "What are you going to do about Rose?"

He scratched the back of his head, "I don't know but I'm not backing down on this. If it means us taking a small break, then so be it. I can't, I won'tleave Bella."

I looked at him, shocked; Emmett was _willingly_ going to leave Rosalie for an extended period of time? I mentally shook myself before continuing, "I'm sure you heard what Alice said." He nodded, "From what she said, I'm sure she won't be staying behind but Rose may surprise us."

Emmett looked doubtful, "She never understood why we took interest in Bella." A simmering anger rolled off him, "She doesn't understand. None of them know what it means to have that hole filled." I looked at him absolutely bewildered and he shook his head, his emotions strangling his words, "The few human memories I had were of my sister and Bella reminds me so much of her. She brought back memories that I thought were lost."

His guilt and sadness ate at me, "I understand." And I did, to an extent. I had my own haunting memories, however fleeting, of a blurred life that was filled with happiness, of family, of honor.

He nodded once and took a shuddering breath, "Edward can't force us to leave but he can make this a whole lot harder on us. His favor with Carlisle is worth more than both of us combined."

I scowled and then sighed, "I'd hope that Carlisle wouldn't be so blind."

"He can't help it. Edward was his first companion and with him being all angsty and thinking his soul is doomed, Carlisle feels guilty and obligated to bend to Edward's will."

"And where Carlisle goes, Esme goes." I added, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

He nodded, "We'll tell them we're going to take a trip to Africa."

I quirked a brow and he explained with a grin and waggling eyebrows, "Big game hunting, I bet you'd love to get a hold of a lion."

I chuckled and continued, "You know he was lying, right?"

Emmett frowned, "I figured he was. There is no way Bella would want a "clean break" as he said. Hell, the girl was mauled by a vampire this summer and she still came back. Forcefully and clinging at that."

I smiled, "She's either very stupid or very brave. Not sure which."

Emmett let out a booming laugh, "Come on, let's get back so I can talk with Rosie before head-up-ass-ward gets back."

I choked before a laugh bubbled forth and followed him back to the house. Emmett found Rosalie and took off into the woods yet again. I wished him luck. He'd need it. I wound my way through the doors and living room, climbing the stairs.

Padding through the hall, I came to a stop at our room and knocked on the door, "You know you don't have to knock, Jasper." She answered. I pushed the door open and found Alice inside packing. She looked up and smiled sadly and handed me a letter.

My thumb brushed across the thick parchment and I looked her curiously.

"It's for Bella. Give it to her once we leave."

"Will we have any problems with our plan?"

"No. There was nothing to discuss when they left, minds were already made up. I'll tell Esme and Carlisle when they ask where you went." She answered slowly, her eyes darting around the room. "Jasper, he left her in the woods." Her eyes found mine again. Distress and anguish pulsed from her.

"He what?!" I snapped.

"You and Emmett need to find her before the Quileutes do. It very important you do this." She pleaded. "Edward has already taken off to Denali."

I rolled me eyes. _So much for discussing this rationally like Carlisle wanted_. "Rose isn't going to be staying, is she."

She shook her head, "She's upset she isn't getting her way, that Emmett isn't giving in. Give her time. She'll be back. I'll be back too, when it's needed." She bounded over and hugged me, "You need to go and get Bella, hurry. Emmett's making his way back." She urged me out the door and gave me a small wave.

I tipped my head and called out for Emmett as I raced out the door, he loped behind. I slowed, "Edward left Bella in the woods and took off to Denali. We need to get to her, now."

He growled and nodded. I motioned for him to take the west side of the woods and I took off to the east, hoping to find her quickly. It wasn't long before I was hit with a wall of raw pain and then her scent, her labored breathing. Within minutes I was sliding to a halt, forest litter spraying around me, in front of her I crouched down before calling out to Emmett.

He was by my side within seconds his emotions going haywire and I gave them both a nice dose of calm. He crouched beside me and reached out to her, "Bella?"

She looked up at his voice, clearly shocked to see us, "He said all of you had left." Her voice was hollow and raspy.

"He lied." Emmett answered softly. "Let's get you back to your house. Jasper and I will be here for you."

She nodded mutely as Emmett swept her into his arms and took off at a gentle gate through the forest. I raced to her home, Charlie was still out, thankfully.

Walking into the living room, I made my way to the kitchen, my eyes landing on a piece of paper. _'Went out for a walk in the woods.'_

I growled as I shredded the offending note over the trash. Emmett was walking through the door with Bella clinging to him as if he was going to vanish. He headed up the stairs to her bedroom with her guidance as I followed. He sat her on the bed, taking care not to jostle her. He moved to sit beside her, the bed creaking and mattress dipping as it took his weight, as Bella attempted to wrap her arms around him.

I sat in the rocking chair in her room and assessed her emotions; broken hearted anguish, self-doubt, a little bit of hopefulness. I pulled out Alice's letter and fingered it. "Do you think their gone yet?"

Emmett looked thoughtful for a moment, "I'm not sure."

"Who's gone?" Bella whispered.

"Everyone. I'd like to say they didn't have a choice, but I'm not sure." I answered softly, "What happened with Edward?"

Her face crumpled and her eyes watered, "He asked me to take a walk which ended in the woods. He told me that _we_ were leaving and I assumed that included me," she laughed bitterly, "He told me no, just his family. He told me that he didn't love me, that I wasn't good for him. That he didn't want me." Tears were tracking down her face, "A clean break. He told me that it would be like he or his family were never a part of my life." She choked on a sob as she leaned heavily on Emmett. He ran his hand down her back, soothing her.

I sighed, "He told us that you wanted us to leave because of me. That _you _wanted a clean break from us."

She snorted, "It had nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong Jasper."

"I know. And neither did you," I added with a pointed look.

She smiled tightly, "I wasn't good enough… I always knew that."

Emmett groaned, "Don't give us that shit, Bella. You're way more than good enough. You can't help Edward is a repressed and prudish eternal teenager full of hormonal angst."

I chuckled and a small smile worked its way to Bella's face, I continued, "Bella, you have no idea how much life you brought to our family. Pun not intended."

She looked at me strangely, "How in the world did I do that?"

Emmett looked at her incredulously, "Are you kidding me?" He rubbed his face before sighing, "Just for me alone, you gave me back memories of my human life I thought lost. You gave me back the chance to be the big brother I never got to be."

She looked at him gobsmacked for a moment before scrambling off the bed and launching herself into him, her arms wrapping around his neck.

I smiled the emotions in the room swirled thick and syrupy, dripping off me in warm rivulets, "I know we weren't ever close Bella, but I'd like to get the chance, if you'd let me."

She turned from Emmett and nodded fervently, "Of course!" And then surged across the room and wrapped her arms around my neck. I stiffened, not used to spontaneous affection, but slowly wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her gently.

She sighed and settled herself into my lap, her eyes boring unfocusedly into the wall across from her. She spoke after a few minutes, "Thank you for not abandoning me." Her words were thick and the high from us being here was wearing off. Reality crashed back into her harshly, the tendrils of despair snaking their way back into her heart, she shuddered as tears welled into her eyes.

Emmett and I murmured soft replies of, "You're welcome and I'd never," to her as I coated her with lethargy and calm, sending her off into oblivion. Her head thudded softly against my shoulder, cradling into my neck. I stood smoothly, Alice's letter in between my fingers, her body cradled in my stone arms. I strode to her bed, tucking her under the covers.

"She should be out for the rest of the night," I said to Emmett. He nodded and sighed, rubbing his face in his hands. I placed the thick envelope on her nightstand, against a photo of her and her mom, so she would see it in the morning.

"I suppose we should talk to her about what she wants tomorrow."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my brows furrowing.

"If she wants us to be in her life like we were before or if she wants us around more often."

I nodded and brought my hand to rest under my chin, drumming my fingers across my cheek as I thought. "Edward and Alice were with her almost constantly. We won't be able to be with her at school."

He grimaced, "Yea, especially since we're supposed to be attending Brown."

Our heads snapped towards Bella's door as we heard Charlie enter the house.

"Should we stay?" Emmett asked.

I thought for a moment, abandonment was a sore spot at the moment for Bella, what would she do if she woke up and we weren't there?

"We stay." I said finally, nodding.

"Now, where to hide two vampires that are over six feet tall." He chuckled.

I looked around her sparse room and frowned, "The closet. It's going to be tight though."

Emmett snickered, "That's what she said."

I growled at him, "Get in there, Charlie's coming."

We both darted to the tiny closet and I nearly ripped Emmett's head off when he snickered again. We waited as Charlie made his way up the stairs, his steps heavy and tired. He paused at Bella's door before pushing it open, "Bells?" He whispered.

He stepped into the room and padded quietly over to Bella's bed, he stopped and watched his daughter for a moment, his adoration radiating off him. He stooped and brushed her hair off her forehead before planting a soft kiss, "Night Bella."

He turned and left, closing the door behind him, going to the kitchen, no doubt to prepare dinner. The TV flickered on and I jumped out of the closet, Emmett guffawing quietly behind me.

I rolled my eyes and settled back into the rocking chair as Emmett made his way back to Bella's bed, sitting at the end. Tomorrow was thankfully Saturday, we'd talk more then.


	2. Chapter 2

_Emmett PoV rewritten and combined with a chapter I already had written. Thank you guys for all the critique!_

_(A/N: For the Jasper PoV: I did a lot of research on Southern Texan accents and Appalachian English that Emmett _would_ have grown up with, especially being Scotch-Irish and living in Gatlinburg in 1915. Both would have a drawl, due to location, not a twang. Texas didn't (and still doesn't) have a specific dialect due to having such a high number of immigrants. I do apologize if I mess up with the Appalachian English, I won't be using much of it because it's so vastly different from anything I've ever heard. I'm more familiar with Texan dialects but that still doesn't mean I won't fuck it up. SM also messed up on the dates of the War of Galveston and how they correspond with when Jasper was turned, so I course corrected and fixed it.)_

_Poison and Wine_

_Chapter 2_

_Duck, Duck, Goose_

_Emmet PoV_

I knew two things. One, I really wanted to rip Edwards extremities off to beat the shit out of him with them and two, Bella is really fucking hilarious when she sleeps.

Jasper's got her so doped up on happy feelings in order for her to sleep that she's mumbling been mumbling about ducks and geese and not painting them. She's very adamant about that, so much so I had to relocate myself to floor. Girl flails around, a lot.

It's boring otherwise. Jasper isn't ever much for talk. Brooding bastard.

So, I'm laying here on the floor, counting the weaves in her carpet. Ugh. I forgot how much sleep humans need. If we're going to be on Bella sitting duty, I am not volunteering for the night shift. We stayed like for a couple hours before Jasper got a call.

He looked at me and whispered, 'Carlisle'. Interesting. Wonder what he wants.

He eyed his phone warily and answered after the fourth ring. I feel for the poor bastard. I do, really. But I am so happy it isn't me that Carlisle called. I listened in because, well, I had nothing better to do.

"Evenin' Carlisle."

"Evening Jasper. I just wanted to let you know that we appreciate what you're doing." Jasper's brows shot up. Well shit, did he know?

"What do you mean, Carlisle?"

I could hear him take a deep breath, "Staying and taking care of Bella, of course."

I was up and by the phone and asked, "How did you know?"

"Hello, Emmett. As to how I know, Alice. It's a good compromise. I didn't want to leave her, but Edward…" He trailed off.

Jasper pushed the phone at me, how the hell did this turn into my conversation? I glared at him and he just shrugged. Bastard. I sigh, "We know. What is he up to now?"

"He's out at the moment. I just wanted to let you two know that I your secret is safe with me. Keep her safe and call us if you need us."

Oh goodie, conversation is winding up, "Will do, Carlisle."

"Take care boys." And dial tone. "Well I wasn't expecting that. Looks like Eddie-boy is the only one that is out of the loop."

Jasper smirked, "Finally able to pull the wool over his eyes. I would have done it much earlier had I known it felt this satisfyin'."

"No joking."

So the phone call lasted all of five minutes and it was only a little past two. How much longer does Bella need to sleep? Bah. I throw myself back on the floor and decide that Bella's rug would look mighty fine if it was frayed around the edges.

Around five in the morning we hear Charlie starting to move around. His joints popping and shit as he shuffled into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later he was walking down the creaky stairs, yawning up a storm, to get the coffee that had started brewing ten minutes ago. I'm not sure what he's attempting to cook, but it doesn't smell very good.

He's coming back up the stairs and Jasper groans. We get to share the teeny tiny closet again. I give him a devilish grin and waggle my brows at him. He flips me off and shoves me in. "Eager?" I whisper. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Shit! Fucker just pinched the shit outta me.

I bite the inside of my cheek as Charlie opens the door and strides across the room to kiss Bella on the cheek. Bella mutters something about flying goats and turns over. Charlie chuckles and it takes everything in me to not bust out laughing. He closes Bella's door quietly and a minutes later he's pulling out of the driveway.

We exit the closet and take up our previous positions. I glare up at Jasper, "Paybacks a bitch, you know."

He merely raises a brow. Cocky bastard. Stupid rug. There's nothing left to fray. This is boring.

_Jasper PoV_

Bella bolted awake, her back ramrod straight and her breathing labored. She relaxed after looking manically around the room to find me still sitting in the rocking chair. I pointed to the floor where Emmett's immense figure was sprawled out, his fingers drumming across the carpet. She giggled and looked at me curiously.

"He got bored," I explained.

Emmett grunted and whined, "You slept forever."

Her eyes widened and she squeaked, "What time is it!?"

I quirked a brow, "Charlie left three hours ago. It's nine."

She sighed and looked at her nightstand, her eyes falling on the letter, her curiosity peaked.

"It's for you. From Alice." I answered.

She nodded and tentatively reached out for the envelope, bringing it in front of her. Bella's fingers danced across the flap before slipping under to withdraw the letter. The paper hissed against the thick envelope as she drew it out, her index finger sliding between the folds to open it to her eyes.

She read silently, her face muted but her emotions told a different story. Understanding, elation, sadness, grief, frustration; they all swelled and swirled around me.

She looked at me and for the briefest moment I felt thankfulness, before it warped to guilt, radiate off of her. She stole a glance at Emmett, who had busied himself with pulling at the loose threads of her woven rug, and frowned. "You really left Rose?"

Emmett looked up and nodded, "She'll understand in time. Alice said she'd be back."

"You didn't need to do that for me!" Bella exclaimed in guilty desperation. She looked back at me, "And you left Alice!"

I shrugged, "It was time and it was mutual. We both knew it was coming." Bella looked at me like I had grown a second head. She was absolutely shocked and confused. Her emotions rode on a rollercoaster and I was beginning to think I'd get whiplash from the rapid changes.

"We both stayed because we wanted to, Rose and Alice both had that option as well." Emmett shrugged, "We'd do it again."

She nodded and continued to read. Apparently the note was Alice's way of saying goodbye to Bella and giving her the low down on what transpired at the Cullen home yesterday.

She shot me a sideways glace, "Did you really pin Edward to the wall while verbally chewing his ass out?"

"Yes." I deadpanned.

Emmett chuckled, "It was pretty badass. I've never seen Jasper so pissed. I've only ever heard stories, but to see him in action was something." He picked himself up, graceful even as big as he was, and settled on the bed with Bella again.

I rolled my eyes, "He was lying. I don't tolerate manipulation."

Bella looked at me expectantly and I sighed, remaining silent. Not feeling the need to elaborate further. I would when she asked specifically.

She remained quiet, the wheels in her head turning furiously. She looked at Emmett then to me, "You know, I don't really know much about either of you. Edward only gave me the barest of details." She began, "We could exchange stories, it'd fun," and her stomach growled, "That is, after I have a few human moments."

She rose from her bed and stumbled to the door, "You guys don't go anywhere."

We answered in unison, "We won't." She nodded and ran into the bathroom.

I looked to Emmett, "I wonder what the chaste virgin told her of me."

Emmett snorted, "Only that you lived differently before you joined the Cullen's. He didn't even tell her that I had been mauled, just that Rose found me and took me to Carlisle to be turned."

I rolled my eyes, "That boy needs to get his chastity belt out of its twist before he loses important parts."

We laughed as we heard Bella stumble then curse. She sounded like she had jumped down the stairs before throwing herself into the kitchen. She was digging through the cupboards moments later, the sound of a ripping box and the rustle of a wrapper was heard. Another door opened and she slammed something down on the counter in her haste. The fridge door swung open, the contents in the doors rattling. She grabbed a liquid, juice or milk perhaps, and it sloshed in its container as she moved around. The lid was popped off and its contents poured into a glass. Recapping it, it was back in the fridge within seconds and she was thundering up the stairs shortly after.

The door to her bedroom burst open and she looked around wildly, relaxing when she saw us. Her breakfast and drink in hand.

Emmett burst out laughing and I smirked, "We told you that we wouldn't leave."

She blushed and replied tartly, "I knew that." She made her way back to her bed, setting her glass of milk on her nightstand. She settled cross legged, angled to see both Emmett and myself, as she fumbled with the silver wrapper of her breakfast.

"So," she began, taking a bite out of the square pastry, "Who's first?"

Emmett grinned, his dimples forming, "I will."

He turned to Bella and began his story, "I was born in 1915 in Gatlinburg, Tennessee," Bella interrupted, "Tennessee? Shouldn't you have an accent?"

He laughed, "I did. You see, Appalachian English isn't exactly known for its beauty. Rose was on me nonstop about how uneducated I sounded."

Bella snorted and laughed, "Seriously? Uneducated?"

He shrugged, a mischievous smile on his face, his voice drawling, "I had ter agree. After a-hearin' myself, I done made my mind up ter a-tame it."

Bella clutched her sides as she laughed, "Wow."

Emmett smirked, "Told ya," he winked at her and began again, "I was born to a Scotch-Irish family and my name before I took on Cullen was McCarty," he frowned, "I know I had a big family, but I can't remember them. I vaguely remember my baby sister." He looked at Bella, "You remind me of her."

Bella smiled softly, reaching out to lay her hand on his arm.

"I think I was pretty wild and hardheaded too. That is, when I wasn't working with my brother's on the railroad."

Bella laughed, "I can definitely believe that, Mr. McCarty."

Emmett's hearty laugh filled the room, "I haven't heard that name in a while." His laughter calmed, a grin still on his face, "I helped my family a lot. We lived in the middle of nowhere, so they depended on me and my brothers to build and fix things. We hunted," His face sobered, "Edward never told you the specifics of my 'death' did he?"

She shook her head. Her whirlwind of emotions changing again at the seriousness Emmett's voice had taken.

He sighed dramatically, "There's a reason I always go after bears when hunting." He said as his grim expression broke into a predatory grin.

Bella shivered, at Emmett or the thought of Emmett being attacked, I wasn't sure. "You were attacked by a bear?"

He hummed, "Mmm, more like mauled and shredded to pieces, but yes."

Her eyes were wide as saucers and Emmett laughed again, "You think my life was exciting? Wait till you hear about Jasper's."

I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and looked at Bella seriously, "My life wasn't exciting. Not after I was turned."

She turned herself to me, obviously eager to hear.

"You sure you want to hear it?" She nodded, "Yes."

"Alright," I sighed, slipping into my southern drawl, "I was born in 1844," her eyes widened, "in Houston. I was almost seventeen when the Civil War begun. I lied about my age to join. I was mighty charismatic, a born leader my superior's said. I climbed my way to Major General within two years."

My brows furrowed as I thought, trying to sift through the murky memories, "I was put on furlough when the war lulled after the first battle of Galveston, the Union had taken it and we were to await orders as more conscripts went out. My parents were so proud of me. Their son was the youngest Major in Texas.

"They had welcomed me home with a party. I was made to dress in my uniform." I scoffed at the memory, "I remember hatin' being paraded around and hid for most of it, till my ma found me and pushed me at the first girl that she found, tellin' me to dance."

Bella laughed, "Oh how horrible." But her tone and emotions told me that she didn't think it was horrible at all.

I scowled at her, "Indeed." I took a breath, "I was with them for a month. It was the last time I saw my family. I was ordered back out to Galveston to train new troops, drillin' them until we had news on how we were to proceed. A couple months later, our orders were to attack on the first of January, 1863. In the early mornin' before the battle, we were finishin' off our evacuations when I came across the devil."

Bella gasped.

My voice became detached and my face hardened, "Maria and her two companions Lucy and Nettie. Beautiful and ethereal creatures, I was entranced even though I knew they were dangerous. I stopped to ask them if they were alright, if they needed an escort to safety." I closed my eyes tightly, my voice strangled, "I will never forget their laughs as they ripped me from my horse and tore into my flesh. Maria stopped Lucy and Nettie from killin' me, sayin' that I was a solider and special, that I had potential.

"All I could think about was my family and how unfair it was to die this way as I began burning. I woke up rememberin' nothing but I felt _everything_ on top of my already volatile newborn emotions. My gift had manifested but I didn't know how to control it, I felt like I was goin' crazy. My mind held onto the strategy and military training, both kicking in unconsciously, saving me from an early death. Maria let us cull ourselves. The weak didn't last long in her army."

I shifted and sat back up in the chair, my eyes burning holes in the wall above Bella's head, "Newborns run on bloodlust, rage and paranoia. It's how they survive. After my first year, runnin' on that amplified cocktail of emotions, I finally had an understanding that I wasn't feelin' just my emotions. The terror and agony I felt when I ripped someone apart is something that'll haunt me the rest of my life, but it's how I survived. I was somethin' that the vampire world had never seen before and Maria soon found me a place at her side, her second in command.

"My duties were to command her army, incite, terrorize and direct them. Then I was to cull the useless ones at the end of their newborn year. Twenty years into this life, I was ordered to kill Nettie and Lucy for their rebellion against Maria. I did it without thought, without care. Apathy became my coping mechanism. Then Maria decided that I was goin' to help her with turnin' humans, like Nettie and Lucy had. I was nothin' but a puppet and went through this life feelin' nothing but the ugliest of emotions.

"I systematically turned hundreds of humans and killed thousands of vampires over the seventy-five years I was with Maria."

Bella gaped open mouth at me, "H-How did you escape?"

I smiled, "I turned a man by the name of Peter, one of the few that were allowed to live past their newborn year. He was my lieutenant, a good soldier and a tentative friend that talked more than he should have. He had some of the same duties as I; like the culling's. One of the newborns, Charlotte, whose use had ended was his mate. He refused to kill her and I had no idea why, I didn't care. I was entering my seventieth year of servitude and there was nothing left of me, I was a machine. Peter had grabbed Charlotte and ran; I didn't stop them even though I could have."

I scowled and rubbed my shoulder, "Maria was furious and terrified. If she couldn't control me, the monster that she had created, what would happen? She quickly put me in my place, like the underling I was, and ripped my arm off for my impudence."

Bella gasped, "What?!"

I looked her and gave her a lopsided smile, "Why do you think we burn the body parts of vampires after we rip them apart? We _can_ be put back together. Even if our head is taken off."

"That sounds like you're talking from experience." She grimaced.

I nodded, "It only happened once though," I answered, waving my hand dismissively, "Anyway, five years later, Peter and Charlotte returned tellin' me of the freedom and joys outside of Maria's army. I left without a second thought, wanderin' around with them. Ten years later Alice found me and gave me something I'd never felt before; hope. She healed me and brought back some of the humanity that I had lost."

Emmett sat wide eyed; he'd never heard the full story either.

Bella looked at me, sadness rolling off her, "The horrible thing is that your parents never found out what happened to you."

I shook my head, "No. My body was never found, so whatever I kept on me for identification purposes never made it to them."

Bella frowned, "That's awful. Did you ever find out what happened to your family?"

"They died."

She shot me a dirty look and sighed, turning to Emmett, "What about yours, did you ever find out what happened with them?"

He shook his head, frowning, "I was one of the providers. I asked Edward to leave them a bag of fortune on the porch and I never looked back. At the time it was too fresh, too painful to know that I could never see them again."

She nodded, "When were you turned Emmett?"

"In '35. I know that they're all dead. Though, I probably have some great nieces and nephews running round somewhere." He said, stretching out his legs. "What about you, Bells. What's your story?"

She laughed lightly, "My life didn't really start until after I met you guys. Before that, I did a lot of falling on my face. Of course, I still do that."

Emmett laughed and gave her a cheeky grin, "And it's so entertaining."


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N: Apologies for the long wait on this chapter but I've been distracted writing _Safe and Sound _and haven't been in the right angsty frame of mind to work on this one. Anywho, it's short but here's a little introspection of Jasper and Bella.)

_Chapter 3_

_When you can't seem to find your way home, And when life gets too hard, To face on your own, I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown, I will walk with you, So you're never alone_

Never Alone – Jesse Bonanno

_Bella PoV_

They'd been skirting around the Edward issue for weeks now, trying to keep me occupied. They distracted me with stories of their past, well Emmett talked and Jasper added a jib here and there. They both told me about other vampires they'd met. About their slips and how Emmett had encountered his singer. Twice. How Jasper never had.

I appreciated it. I really did.

But they couldn't be with me at school, though Emmett did _try_. He would drop me off and then stalk me the rest of the day. That was the 'shift' he wanted, seeing as I bored the ever loving piss out of him at night. Like that was my fault. I had to roll my eyes and smack him while I listened to his explanation.

Jasper stayed with me at night out of necessity and not because he was relegated to it by Emmett. He found out the hard way about the nightmares. It scared the shit out of him and he almost didn't make it to the closet, that place of endless _'that's what she said'_ jokes from Emmett, before Charlie came barreling into my room. He keeps me calmed throughout the night now. He's turned into my own personal sleep aid and I'm getting addicted to it.

Which is bad. I don't need to become dependent on yet _another_ vampire.

I am, however, very calm and content in their presence, but at school… the hole in my chest weeps in agony. I hold myself together the best I can, but it hurts and I don't want them to see it. It's my pain, my reminder that I hadn't been enough.

Emmett and Jasper refuted that fact though. They're both adamant that I'm worth it. Something that Jasper had told me in Phoenix while we were running from James. He reminded me of that every time he sensed the trickle of depression and self-doubt seep into my emotions. I feel shamed every time my heart flutters when he tells me that _I'm_ worth it. The intensity of his voice, the look of conviction in his eyes… it makes my insides squirm. And they shouldn't.

So I busy myself with other distractions. Reading, mostly, and betting on whether the old dial-up internet would connect before the phone ring and disconnect me. That was always fun. Homework, sadly, was only viable for short periods of time… Charlie was another distraction I guess.

It was hard though, I had to act as normal around Charlie as I could. Acting wasn't my forte, so I kept the house clean and the meals coming. I was pleasantly surprised when he hadn't noticed anything different; maybe I had fooled the vampires too. That was wishful thinking, right?

School was a different story. I had no distractions, no need to act normal and too much time for my mind to wander.

I dwelled on what Jasper had told me of his past. His story bothered me but not in the way _he_ thought it should. The way his life had been ripped from him was so unfair. I had gotten very little out of him during our time together. He was reluctant to delve any deeper –to open up more than he had. He was distant and hesitant of his friendship with me and it hurt, but I understood why, to an extent. But I was determined to find a chink in his armor; I _wanted_ to know him.

He was reserved when it came to me. He kept his distance and didn't initiate any contact; I was the one that always touched him, be it a hug or just laying my hand on his arm. It stung to feel him stiffen under my touch and I wasn't sure why. It unnerved me that he had such an effect on me. I was left confused as to what category to place him in.

He was the complete opposite of Emmett, who had a category. He was firmly rooted as the brother, the protector. Emmett was always talking to me, regaling me with stories and he wasn't afraid to hug me or comfort me when I needed it. He wiped away my tears if I had had a bad day at school and never questioned me. He soothed my insecurities with his words. He buoyed me with his light hearted jokes and chased away my doubts with his warm, hearty laughter.

And then I just had to go and compare them to Edward. I never got far because as soon as I did the gaping hole in my chest surged with a ferocity that had me doubled over in my desk, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. I wanted to see the faults with him, I wanted to tear him down and strip him of his securities like he had done to me.

I knew it was stupid to feel this way, that I shouldn't feel this way, but I couldn't help it. Edward shouldn't have had that tight a hold on me but the wound he left was like a black hole that was continuously sucked me in every time I got close to clawing my way out.

I wanted to be strong, but I couldn't find any strength left in me so I clung to Jasper and Emmett to keep me going; to help me keep my head above the churning currents that threaten to take me under. I wished they could reach in and pull me out. I needed their strength, however painful and crushing it was to my weak mortal body. It was the only thing grounding me to reality.

I wanted those bruising hands to save me –to heal me.

_Jasper PoV_

She thought she could hide her pain from me, but she couldn't. I felt the same pulsating agony in my chest and I saw the way she wrapped her arms so tightly around her body; like she was trying to suture herself together with them.

She couldn't hide her pain from Emmett either. He observed her during her school hours, watched as she listlessly went about her day and shrank away from any type of contact, emotional or physical. Bella was a decent actress, good enough to fool her father, but not us –definitely not _me_.

I was an observer. I was distant and calculating, I always had been. Alice had routinely called me cold because I had always kept her at an arms-length, but she had never understood and she had never wanted to.

I hadn't been born into immortality with any sort of compassion or tenderness and I found myself lacking in that department when it came to Bella. I didn't know how to act with her. I wanted to curse whatever deity out there that hadn't let my _human_ empathy –the knowledge in _how_ to express comfort and how to soothe the aches of a broken heart– stay with me after my burning. My touch had never been tender, it had always demanding and forceful, destructive, and certainly never used to console or erase tears.

But my soul was twisted and mangled beyond repair and I felt wholly inadequate, dirty and impure, around her. I could _feel_ her emotions and could _alter_ them, but dealing with them normally, with humanity, was foreign. I felt uneasy with that knowledge.

I felt like the monster I was at every moment of her torment, incapable of aiding her in the way she needed.

Her emotions kept me in a constant whirlwind, unsettled and unwantedly nostalgic. They were poisonous to my mind. They plunged me into darkness, to visit the horrors that I had never wanted to return to. But they were also nectar, no –_wine_, I thought, because I was also so easily intoxicated by her happiness, her love and compassion. She was poison _and _wine. Deadly and sinful. Dark and comforting.

I felt dizzy and turbulent around her. Spectrums turned upside down and inside out in her presence. I did not know how to deal with the cocktail of emotions she cycled through in the span of breath. I was confused, frustrated and out-of-sorts; I was not used to dealing with her maelstrom of feelings on a daily basis.

I was also painfully aware of her sadness at my hesitated friendship, which _I_ had asked for. The sting she carried with her from my reluctance was beginning to weigh on me. I wanted to let her in, but no one, not even Alice, had ever asked for that key and I wasn't sure it existed. Trust was not something I gave freely.

I puffed an irritated breath through my lips. I had never self-reflected before dealing with Bella's erratic emotions. She had me thinking about things I never wished to. I had never dealt with my death or my family's. I had never tried to find out what happened to them; if they had mourned for me, if they were proud of me. I had been afraid to.

I chastised myself. I would not dwell on the past, it did me no good. I needed to distract myself. I parted my lips and breathed in. Bella's scent was sweet and tangy –and it _did _make my throat burn, _exquisitely_. But, that incident… her horrified face kept the monster at bay. I didn't want to hurt her. A part of me wished to know her, figure out what made her love so fiercely and freely, and what made her hurt so terribly. A part of me, that dark, monstrous part of me, scoffed and raged at the idea of caring for _food_.

Conflicted. That's what I was. I didn't know what I wanted from her, so I stayed silent. Emmett was used to my silence and my brooding. Bella wasn't. But she was tenacious and tried every night, asking what made me, me and probing as she tried to find a weak spot in my defenses until sleep claimed her. Perhaps she would one day break down the walls or maybe even find that key to rend my soul open to her.

I wished her luck for she would _never_ achieve her goal. My soul, that thing that Edward wholeheartedly believed he lacked, had been ripped from me; my humanity was long since buried under the countless innocent lives I had stolen, the evils I had committed. But that nagging and niggling part of my brain conjured words, long forgotten and burned with my human mind, to the forefront. They taunted me, bringing both hope and fear to my long-dead heart.

_Never say never._


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate them!)

Bella PoV

I had a theory.

And that theory was that Jasper had the emotional range of a teaspoon. Yes, I totally stole Hermione's line, but it aptly described the stoic vampire, who at the moment was occupying my room's lone chair and staring off into the distance.

He was an emapth for fucks sake. Jasper dealt, toyed and manipulated everyone else's emotions on a daily basis but he certainly never dealt with his own. Ever. I was sure of it.

His emotions were akin to a hot and cold knob that he used his vampiric strength to fumble around with, lacking any finesse to settle between the two polar opposites. He was either calm and brooding or he was angry and calculating. He very rarely let that knob settle anywhere else. Compassion was rare and I had found that he never exuded genuine happiness. Even his eyes were devoid of emotion. They bored into anything they were sat upon with such intensity that it left an uncomfortable chill rippling up my spine.

The only event that I could pin his demeanor on was his time with Maria, seeing as I knew nothing else about him. Why he held so steadfastly to that pain, I'd never understand. I _did_, however, understand why he used anger and indifference as a form of armor. I just had to figure out _what_ he was protecting himself from. Me? Friendship? Everyone in general?

An errant thought crossed my mind. What if this was something that carried over from his human life? And if so I couldn't help but wonder how he had become so jaded. What if he had PTSD when he had been turned?

And another horrifying thought shot through me. What if this behavior was so ingrained into him that he'd always be aloof and… miserable? Yes, I was sure he was miserable.

He was an enigma. A shiny new million piece puzzle that I wanted to solve.

However, he was also haunted and broken and I wanted to help him, piece the shattered remains of him back together and heal him. I wanted to bring light to his darkness. I wanted to show him true friendship. I wanted to show him how wonderful comforting hands could be and how the kindness of a few soothing words could mend the harsh ones that were said to inflict hurt.

I couldn't though. He wouldn't let me in.

I lay in bed, wide awake and watched him like I had every other night before, except this time I forwent the probing questions. The pale light from the moon spilled across the floor, illuminating half of his leonine features while the rest was washed in dark shadows. He looked every bit the marble statue that his skin felt of; unflinching and devoid of emotion.

I couldn't tell what – or even if he was thinking. Why'd he extend the olive branch if he wasn't willing to reciprocate?

I blinked furiously against the painful dryness of staring too long and sighed deeply. His unblinking, copper eyes flickered to me and his brows drew together in confusion.

"What's wrong?" His voice, an oxymoronic blend of a rough and melodic pitch, was just above a whisper.

"Nothing," I mumbled out before quickly amending it to, "Just thinking," when Jasper's confused furrow turned to a disbelieving, irritated scowl.

"You should be asleep," he replied curtly and before I could retaliate I felt the tendrils of lethargy and calm swirling around the back of my consciousness. I wanted to hurl curses and fists at his perfectly composed face for _forcing _me to sleep but everything faded to black before my thoughts could be carried out through action.

**x.x.x.x**

I awoke the next morning to the gentle patter of rain and my room's lone chair empty.

The air felt much colder then and I couldn't suppress the shiver that raced up my spine, rattling my extremities. He had _never_ left before I woke. It was unsettling and sent an odd and uncomfortable twist to my gut… abandonment swelled into a tsunami and it wiped out my sensibilities.

And for a fleeting moment I panicked. I sent pictures, papers and knickknacks flying off my nightstand as I clambered for my cell. As I grasped it in my hands like a lifeline, I had to remind myself to breathe. My trembling fingers fumbled over the too close together buttons, cancelling screens I just pulled up, flipping to entirely different ones or at one point had me trying to rename a contact.

I scowled and grit my teeth as I shook my hands out in a feeble attempt to control the tremors.

_Breathe._

In through the nose, out through the mouth; I was being ridiculous. I could live a few hours without seeing Jasper and Emmett. They wouldn't up and leave me without saying anything. They promised.

But then my traitorous mind whispered venomously; _so did Edward_.

I wanted to scream and cry and throw my goddamn phone across the room. I wanted to hear that satisfying thud and crunch of it breaking against the hard paneled walls. My head throbbed in agony as my anger swelled and instead of releasing it, I settled on squeezing my pathetically mortal fingers around the cell.

My joints protested against the pressure, but it focused and grounded me. I took one last deep breath and dropped the phone back onto my nightstand before kicking the sheets viscously off of me and slid out of bed to start the day.

Everything I did was rough and tinged with anger. Brushing my teeth left my gums raw and bleeding; scrubbing my skin under the too hot shower left it pink and sore; the hairbrush yanked and tore through knots with a satisfyingly acute pain.

I skipped breakfast, wound too tight to keep anything down. My backpack was thrown roughly to the other side of the cab; the books inside hit the metal door with a resounding thud. The sound of slamming metal and trembling glass reverberated through the small space. Against my own volition, my eyes searched darted to the clock; 7:46AM.

Emmett was late.

And so was I.

I jabbed my key into the ignition and the truck roared to life seemingly voicing the anger I wouldn't. And then I had to go and be mean to my reliable old monster. With more force than my poor old truck was used to it protested loudly seeing as it squealed and knocked when I threw it into reverse and then drive before fully braking. I pealed out, pebbles and dirt flying behind me.

Yes. I was being a petulant child, throwing a fit but I didn't care. Jasper should have woken me up or at least left me a fucking note!

I zoned out with my thoughts having drove the road to school so often, my full attention was no longer necessary. Soon muscle memory had me throwing the truck in park and cutting the ignition. I sat in the school parking lot for twenty minutes. I wasn't in the mood to go to class, so I decided on camping out in the computer lab the rest of the day.

At least the internet was faster than the dial-up and the computers weren't ancient; a dangerously frustrating combination that I had to put up with at home. The lab tech kept hovering and sending me death glares. She didn't quite believe my story. Mainly because my subject of research was highly suspect. I had to make it look good, so no giggling over funny memes, playing pool strangers asking for a/s/l or surfing social sites.

I mumbled out 'research' when she glared at me and made some noncommittal nods and grunts when she asked something that I wasn't listening to and sat down in front of one of the computers. Then she was in my personal space threatening to throw me out if I didn't answer her questions. So I asked what she wanted, kinda politely because you know, I wanted to stay there. She asked what I researching, _again_, so I blabbered something out about Mussolini and tea. It was the first fucking thing that came to mind and was spewing out of my mouth before I could filter it. I suppose it didn't help that I had just watched that movie and it was in the forefront of my mind. So now I was stuck hunched over a notepad, writing out a bunch of disjointed information with a cramped up hand to keep up the pretense of_ working_.

I got bored two hours in.

Scrubbing my face with my hands I decided it was time to go home because I certainly wasn't going to class. So, I did what any horrible delinquent teenager, hell bent on playing hooky would do. I forged a note, walked to the office and sweated as the secretary scrutinized the note, then mentally sighed in relief when she nodded to the sign out sheet. Then I drove home.

This became habit over the next few weeks; the hiding out in the computer lab, not waking up alone. Apparently an unknown vampire had caught Emmett's attention and he called for Jasper to do some tracking. They weren't sure if it was just passing through or not, but they did follow its scent all the way to the Canadian border. I still wasn't happy and took it out on both of them.

Emmett was repentant.

Jasper, however, didn't take to my biting sarcasm or angry jabs very well. He growled at me after I flipped shit and screamed out why I was pissed at him. Needless to say, he ran to my room and was back shoving a note in my face that he had written, explaining where he and Emmett were… He had left it on my nightstand, the contents of which were still scattered across the room from my freak out that morning.

Oops.

Anyways, I spent most of my time in the computer lab at school and when I couldn't get away with that I was usually slinking into class with forged notes to excuse my absences. My grades were fine. Ish.

Things were pretty shitty all around.

I was pretty much dealing with Edward's assholery with a new found snarkiness. Emmett thought it was hilarious, Jasper wanted to cut my tongue out if his death glares were anything to go by and Charlie was just happy that I had some kind of personality other than zombie. Yea, I was pretty shocked that he had noticed something and here I thought I was some kind of superstar actor. I'm still pretty much a social leper at school, that's by choice though, and I've been skipping a lot of classes. I've also come into the unhealthy habit of forging notes. My behavior hasn't gone unnoticed by my stalker-guardian-brother thing. He's told me several times that we were going to talk but he keeps getting distracted.

I didn't know that could happen to vampires.

What had him so distracted was his loneliness. Emmett was trying hard to hide his sadness at Rosalie's absence that I found myself comforting him on more than one occasion _and _encouraging him to call her. He was pretty stubborn and adamant that he wasn't going to be the one to break first. He wanted to make a point and I agreed. Rose controlled everything about their relationship and he wanted to show her that he needed control too.

You go brother, stick it the man – er, woman.

Then we have Jasper's and I's relationship, which was sadly sinking faster than the titanic. I wasn't getting anything out of him and I had completely given up. He wouldn't tell me anything about himself so I decided to use my commandeered computer time for something _educational._ I googled his ass.

Surprisingly, Whitlock wasn't a popular last name.

Even more surprising was that Jasper's family had a small museum, dedicated to the Whitlock line, in Houston. I scrolled through some of the exhibits they had listed on the site and came across something that shocked me to the core. What I was sure was once a black and white photo, now turned sepia, was featured on the page. I found Jasper's very _human_ and very schooled face framed by his signature curly locks. Everything about him was polished and pressed. His uniform, face and hair set in ridged perfection. A _practiced_ perfection that had left everything about him looking cold and unapproachable; I almost cheered because his eyes, the only thing about the photo that seemed clear and focused, were lively, full of promises and shone brightly back at me.

I could handle the mask, the militant hardness that had been drilled into him. I could understand that. Now I had to figure out what had killed those exuberant eyes; the war or Maria.

I jotted down the web address and email of the museum and I just sat there, absolutely brimming with excitement, for what seemed like hours before wiping the browsing history and going home.

I could finally get some answers.


End file.
